Here’s the deal. Skiing / Boarding / Winter Sports in general are by in large male dominated sports. According to SIA, about 60% of skiers and boarders are men. And if you’ve ever been to the Pickle Barrel late night you’d tell me that I am high. Probably right. But just because skiing happens to be guy heavy doesn’t mean your ski house has to be.
So I am about to divulge my secret. This is literally classified information here for any gentlemen reading so start taking notes. For the last 5 years, in order to procure and maintain a healthy 50/50 girl to guy ratio in the ski house, I have turned my online dating profile(s) into legitimate advertisements for the chalet. It has worked out BRILLIANTLY.
Collectively of the 20 or so random ax murders that OKCupid / Tinder / Plenty of Fish / CraigsList / that have accepted the invitation to join this coveted fraternity we have produced countless (xxx) hot tub sessions, endless weird weekends, some of my best friends, and one marriage. Not only did I reserve a speech at their wedding but they were featured in the New York Times which blows my mind.
This season we are 2 people short (stipulation, from NYC with cars). As a result of that I had implored one of the girls in the house to create her own OKC profile in an effort to see if there were any worthy gentlemen to round out the final 2 members of the house. Let’s just say it did not go as well as finding girls has.
Here are the top 5 responses she got:
5. Did you even read the post buddy?
This guy starts off with some Spanish and then continues to ramble about non pertinent information even in the same realm of wanting to do a ski house. Next.
4. Interested in building a Friends With Benefits relationship
I didnt know you could build a friends with benefits relationship but now that it’s on the table why don’t you build me a snowman while you’re at it. Sorry kid, we prefer one night stands in this house. You’re out.
3. You want to be cuddle buddies now do ya?
This kid is getting a little warmer. He is in the market for “cuddly friends” and board games. I immediately assume he is talking about bears and wants to feed the house to the black bear that lives on the property. Sorry Grizzly Man, bears eat people and we are sorry to inform you we will be continuing on with our search.
2. I can go down on ski slopes or I can go down on…
Really getting to the point quickly here I believe this fine young man is implying he wants to go down on every girl within a 5 mountain radius. A for effort… we might be calling you back.
1. His username rhymes with “ChazLocketSwears”
First of all, my guess is this kid uses ski blades. Secondly, this clip from Kenny Powers about sums up my feelings about him already.
He starts off with “I’ve heard about people like you!!”. I’m not surprised, I’m the best skier on the mountain.
He continues with clarifying he has no desire to sleep in a house with strangers for a weekend. Well pal, it wouldn’t be for a weekend. It would be for 6 whole months. You would definitely have been on the top bunk and I am also willing to venture a guess that you’re still angry at mom and dad for not letting you ride the chairlift as a kid.
Finally, SpazSocketShares closes by declaring that no one wants to be our friends and that we’re creeps. Oh yea buddy? Tell that to my 87 friends on Instagram who like all the doll pictures on skis I post!
So after collecting some anecdotal data, we can come to the conclusion that while finding wonderful, well adjusted, fun women on dating sites is a breeze, the same cannot be said for men.
So umm… yea, we’re still looking for 2 more people from NYC to do the house. If you’re interested and want to join the creep show and get weird with us email me at firstname.lastname@example.org